April Fools’: UCI Announces Downhill World Cup Participants Must Wear Skinsuits Starting in 2015

The Union Cycliste Internationale, world governing body that sanctions the Downhill World Cup — also known as the UCI — has announced that starting with the 2015 World Cup all participants must wear the same form-fitting skinsuits worn by road and track racers for decreased wind resistance.

The news comes as a shock to current and hopeful downhill racers, who presently favor loose-fitting jerseys and shorts, as well as armor and padding meant to protect their bodies and make them resemble RoboCop.

“I can’t wait,” said Cody Summer, amateur rider who hopes to turn pro in 2015. “I’m tired of my riding garments flapping in the wind like a parachute. I want people to see all the hard work I’ve put into my glutes.”

UCI spokesperson, Pierre St. Erotippe, said the change comes after long deliberation.

“We are pleased to bring a bit of coveted European style to the downhill scene,” he said, holding a cigarette in a peculiar backwards manner. “Soon perhaps we also require shaved legs, non?”

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