I watch mountain bike videos occasionally when I am supposed to be working. They are stunning, featuring people blasting down trails or flying through the air. While in the air, the riders twist their bikes this way and that, as if they wish to examine them from all angles before they land. Every few minutes someone chugs a sugary caffeine potion, then faces the camera and screams the word “Extreme!” with such force that cords in his neck stand out and forehead veins emerge.
If you wish to get faster or better on a bike, you have to ride outside your comfort zone. Often when you do this, you find out that you have more ability than you thought you did. Sometimes, though, you find out what it’s like to bounce off a rock with a bike pedal prying your ribcage apart from the back. No amount of energy drinks is going to make you feel better if an x-ray of your rib cage looks like Pac Man laughing.
Luckily, I don’t wish to be any faster on a bike. Going fast isn’t why I ride. I ride because I like it. I also just like being in the woods. I like getting exercise, and I especially like having a taste of cold beer after the ride. I like doing all of this without bleeding.
In short, I am slow and I love it. If you want to be fast, hey, that’s your business. I applaud you, and I will watch your video when it comes out. I’ll even bring you craft beer when you can’t move due to a broken everything.
If you want to get on the slow bandwagon, though, here are some tips.
Slow Tip 1: You shouldn’t have to dress like the love child of RoboCop and a Stormtrooper.
Simply put, if you have to strap this many pads on yourself, you are asking for trouble. Riding slowly means that even if you do fall down, you aren’t likely to tumble too far or hit too hard. Of course, you always want to wear a helmet even when riding slow style, but body armor isn’t needed.
Also, you should never have to shift your weight so far back that the saddle could easily hit you in the tender vegetables. Saddles are for sitting on, not for getting emasculated by.
Slow Tip 2: Never leave the ground.
I am a master of staying on the ground. Show me a sick pump track or downhill run, and I will show you how to ride all the way around it. No one makes more contact on a tabletop than I do. Mind you, in my younger days I loved flying through the air on a bicycle, but no more.
Pain is temporary, but the expense of visiting the hospital is forever. Sure, I have health insurance, but I have a writer’s health insurance. My copay is higher than my car payment. Well, it would be if I could afford a new car.
Slow Tip 3: Know when to use your brakes.
When riding slow style, you want to use your brakes often, but you can’t just squeeze them willy nilly and hope for the best. For best results, brake when you’re going in a straight line, so you’re less likely to have the back wheel try to pass the front one. Tires have a finite amount of traction. If you ask them to turn hard and brake hard at the same time, they’re likely to do neither.
Skidding is out of the question. Even if you don’t swap ends, skidding the rear tire is poor form and to be avoided. We want to enjoy the trails, not scar them up.
If you’re going through a flow section, brake in the valley of the flows when you and your bike are pushing against the ground. You have more traction then. Even a little bit of speed will cause you and your bike to be slightly lighter at the crest of a hill. Go easy on the front brake, and brake when you’re heavy.
Mind you, I’m heavy all the time because of my shapely love handles and jiggly belly, but you know what I mean.
Slow Tip 4: Have no shame.
I rarely ever ride alone, because the best rides are social. I love riding and chatting. Occasionally, though, my friends have a few derogatory things to say about my propensity for hike-a-bike, or my careful navigation of jumps.
“I enjoyed your review of those mountain bike wheels,” they tweet. “Did they roll nicely as you were pushing the bike?” Hey, look what’s in my backpack. It’s a multi-tool, and one of the tools is shut up.
Let them laugh. With my slow style, I get to enjoy my ride and they get to enjoy poking fun at me. Everyone wins, and I don’t have to take out a bank loan to have titanium screws installed in my newly busted right clavicle (I already busted the left one).
So come with me, my brothers and sisters of the mountain bike. Let us be slow. Let us stay firmly on the ground, and live the good life. It is sweet, not extreme!
51 Comments
Aug 19, 2013
Aug 19, 2013
Aug 19, 2013
Part of what I love about the sport is going fast. So, If I can obey rules 1 to 3 and let it rip, I'm going to.
Rule #6: Revel in the climbing. It's the part thats good for you, and anybody can go fast down hill (LOL yah rite just have to keep telling myself that)
Aug 19, 2013
And climbs are good for sure. Especially if there's a view at the end. Or near the end. Pretty much anywhere really.
Aug 22, 2013
I enjoyed the article. :)
Cheers!!!
Aug 23, 2013
Aug 31, 2019
Aug 19, 2013
Even though I have great insurance, I'd rather not put it to the test!
Aug 19, 2013
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Aug 26, 2013
Since mtn biking is a secondary sport, Im not as confident as I am on a dirt bike. As to my screen name, I used to say if you`re not crashing, you aint ridin hard enough. Now i say, if I crash, it just hurts now.
Aug 19, 2013
While I admit, I am still a little young and stupid and have a love for going fast on my bike, somewhere along the line I realized that crashing and breaking my body on the ground means less time riding.
So, while maybe I'm not all hardcore and stuff and don't get huge air when I ride, but.... if I'm riding day in day out, week in and week out, I think I'm guaranteed to do MORE riding than someone who is boosting huge jumps. Because, let's face it, they're going to bust eventually.
And more riding definitely equals more awesome!
Aug 26, 2013
I enjoy biking for the exercise, the fresh air and the chance to get out in the woods. (I'm a hiker and backpacker as well as a rider.) Sometimes it seems like everything I hear and see is about going as insanely fast as possible, and I get the idea that if you're not risking life and limb every minute that you're riding, then your
Apr 1, 2014
Was great to read this and the comments too! Have a great ride guys and girls!
Aug 20, 2013
It has taken me around a whole month of not riding to get the shoulder back in shape. I count this one as lost time where I could of been riding my bike, and very lucky that I had no medical bill that killed my budget.
I ride to stay healthy, and to enjoy the ride through the woods. Riding at break-neck speeds for an adrenalin rush has never really been my style. Speed is cool. I also enjoy watching the videos of Pro's doing these incredibly awesome rides, jumps, and stunts. However, the biggest thing in my opinion is that you also have to really know what your limits are.
Aug 22, 2013
Aug 27, 2013
After breaking a hand off of a sizable drop, I realized how fragile the body is, and how quickly life can change. Thanks for the "Go Slow" article!
Aug 27, 2013
Mar 4, 2019
Downhill Mountain biking in the late fifties was any bike you could push to the top of a hill and ride down to the bottom without your mother having to take you to the hospital. Mostly it was just cruising along in the dirt and enjoying the plants and animals.
Aug 19, 2013
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Aug 20, 2013
'Fast' and 'slow' are all relative - in my case, they're the same. I think I'm fast, my mates think I'm slow. It all balances out.
I still wear all the padding, and it's saved my thinning skin some, but how I manage to come back from some rides still with blood all over me, I don't know. I need a suit of armour with no chinks.
Plus, when you're my age, and you place first in your age group at a race, you don't have to tell anyone none of the other old buggers got up that morning to race and you were the only one in your age group. Bonus!
Cheers
Barry
Aug 22, 2013
Aug 20, 2013
One of my my most fav articles. Ever.
Aug 19, 2013
Aug 22, 2013
After many years of riding dirt bikes I broke my tibea off the knee, for rehab I started mountain biking, 3 years later I love the sport. I'm by no means the fast guy, but not the slow guy either at 6'2" 210 pounds and 50 years old riding a steel hardtail I keep up the guys 20-30 years younger, I love technical singletrack, and fast & flowy, but when I keep getting asked to go downhilling thats where I draw the line, I have to go to work the next day theres no way I'm flying through the air, or dropping 15 feet to the ground, I like both tires mostly on the ground and don't ride over my head.
Aug 23, 2013
Living in PA we ride a LOT of rocks and more technical terrain, a lot of my biking is done at Moon Lake, we do group rides on Saturday mornings usually 10 or 11, and every Wednesday night at 6PM ALL year round, (I also ride a rigid Fat Bike) everyone is invited no matter what your skills, we brake off into different speed groups.
A lot of my videos are from Moon Lake if anyone wants to check them out, search dirtrider6
Aug 22, 2013
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Aug 19, 2013
I manage, though.
Aug 19, 2013
As I near the half century mark, I still break the "rules" from time to time, especially be cause I often ride with my 14 year old son. But there's a lot of truth and wisdom, as well as good-natured humor in what you say. It's always good to live to ride another day!
Aug 22, 2013
Aug 22, 2013
As the old saying goes "He that fights and runs away, may turn and fight another day; but he that is in battle slain, will never rise to fight again.(~Tacitus") This rings true in this case but it would be stated more like this: He that makes his bike ride true will live to ride through and through; but that rides willy-nilly, may wind up feeling very silly.
(Yeah, I never claimed to be silver tongue poet but its the best I could come up with on the fly.)
Anyway, thanks for the laugh and making me feel better about not riding like I'm still full of piss and vinegar.
Aug 19, 2013
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Aug 26, 2013
... then you're not really a "serious" mountain biker.
But my style is different. Partly I guess it's because I've come to realize that I break more easily and heal more slowly than I once did. But I know, too, that I can enjoy myself in a low-risk way, taking more pleasure in the physical challenge of blasting up a tough hill than in the risk of screaming down one. And in stopping now and then to catch my breath, look around, and just enjoy being where I am and doing what I'm doing, whether I'm doing it the "proper" way or not.
It's nice to know that I'm not alone in my feelings (which I was beginning to think I was).